What To Ask?

So now you have a date set for a visit with your family member.  [Check.]  You know now that you'll be visiting and sharing with your relative and not interviewing.  [Just nod your head.]  So what do you ask to get your family member talking?  Well, there are really no special magic questions that will help them to open up, but some questions are better than others.  As mentioned in the previous post, try not to ask yes or no questions.  If you have to, make sure you follow them up with additional questions on the topic.  The most important thing to remember is to be comfortable and conversational.  Because that's what you are doing.  Conversing.  Don't worry, though.  Most people like to talk about themselves.  [Just ask us.]  Speaking of asking, the following are some questions to help you along your merry way down memory lane with your family member.  It's not exhaustive, but it should give you enough examples to get you started.

• Who you were named after?  What nicknames did you go by?  How did you get it?  Did you like it?
• Which schools did you attend, and what were they like?  Who was your favorite teacher?  And why were they your favorite?  What was your favorite subject?  Least favorite?
• Where did you live when growing up - on a farm or in town?  What did your house/apartment look like?  If a farm, what kind?  Where else, if any, did you live?  Where did your family live before?
• What was the name of your favorite pet while growing up?  Why was it your favorite?  Any special stories about your pet?
• When you were a child, what kinds of games did you play?  What kinds of toys did you have.  What did you do for fun?  Who was your best friend?  Are you still in touch with them?
• What kinds of chores did you have to do.  Did you have a favorite?  Least favorite?
• [Especially for older family members:]  Did you have a washing machine, a radio, a t.v., a car, or a phone?  If they were purchased while you were growing up, what were your thoughts about them?  Was it a big deal?  Did they make life easier?
• What were your parents like?  Easy-going?  Strict?  What did you learn from them about life?
• What do you remember about your grandparents?  What were their names?  Where did they live?  Where did they come from?  Any special stories about them?  Did you ever know your great-grandparents?  If so, what do you remember about them?  Where did they live?  Where did they come from?
• What was you very first job?  What did it entail?  Did you like it?  What other jobs did you have?  Favorite, least favorite, and why?  What made you choose the career path that you did?  Are you happy with that decision?
• What was the first car you ever owned?  How much did it cost?  How long did you have it?  Whatever happened to it?
• [If married:]  How did you meet your spouse?  What was the first thing you thought when you met him/her?  What was your marriage proposal like?  What kind of wedding did you have?
• [If had children:]  What are all your children's names [complete]?  Who did you name your children after?  Are they family names?
• What presidents were in office in your lifetime?  Which ones did you like?  Dislike?  What important world events happened in your lifetime?
• If you had the chance to do things over again - to live your life over again - what would you do differently?  What would you do the same?
• What do you want to be remembered for?  What do you want people to know about you?

There are many more questions you could ask, and even more ways to ask them.  But the most important thing to remember is to keep them talking.  As mentioned in the last post, photos and memorabilia are excellent conversation starters.  Nothing jars the memory like the memory staring you in the face.  So if your family member has them, let them show them to you.  Let them show you their history.  Let them share their family story.

Oh.  And also for your convenience, you can print out this post or you can turn this post into a PDF document by clicking the green button below with the printer icon on it .  [You're welcome.]

[Next post:  Gettin' Organized.  Are you ready?  That's good.  At least one of us is.  *wink*]

Visiting & Sharing Over Interviewing

You: O.K.  Now I have my list of people in my family to talk to about my family's history.  Now what?

Me: Well, how about some suggestions on how to do it?  The actual questions we can work on in the next post.

You: Oh.  Well, I thought I'd go to my grandma's house on Saturday as a surprise and ask her to tell me all that she knows about our family.

Me: Yeah.  Um.  Don't do that.  In fact, you should do the exact opposite.  [And before you ask me, no, I'm not kidding.]

Following are some suggestions for planning your visit:

• Call, email, or write [You know.  Write.  As in long-hand.  If you still know how to do that, of course.] your family member(s) and after the pleasantries, explain what you're doing, why you're doing it, and politely explain how they could help you.  See if they'd be interested in speaking with you.  [I'd use "speaking" rather than "interviewing".  To me, "interviewing" seems a little impersonal, and that's exactly what you don't want to be.]  Also mention that if they have any photos, family Bibles, letters, etc., they'd be willing to share with you that you'd love to see them.  [And if it turns out that they do have any of those, you can thank me later for suggesting that you inquire up front about them. =)]
• Now, some people are able to remember everything they want to say to someone and everything someone else tells them.  I'm not one of those people.  So, I'd plan to write out some questions to ask them and write/type them down.  Also, I'd plan to take notes.  Lots of notes.  And if you think your family member will agree to it and you have the resources to do so, I'd voice-record it and/or video tape the interview visit.  [Your descendants would love you for doing it, and also you'd be able to refer to it later when your notes became a bit "spotty" because your family member's story about Great-Aunt Bernice became "juicy" at that point.]  In any case, I'd also plan on taking a camera.
• One of the things you need to remember is to make your family member feel comfortable during the interview visit.  If they're comfortable, they'll probably remember and share more with you, which is the whole point.
• If the discussion starts to go off-course from your planned questions, don't sweat it.  In fact, let them talk.  The human brain is like that.  One memory leads to another memory, and then the next thing you know you're swimming in memories.  So let your family member reminisce.  It's a good thing.  Go with the flow.  Be flexible.
• Remember those photos, letters, and family Bibles, etc. I suggested you mention when asking if they'd let you interview visit with them?  Well, if they found any, have them show them to you and share what they know about them.  These make great conversation starters.  And you'll be pleasantly surprised by the family history clues that have been sitting there all this time waiting for someone you to find them.  Also, take as many notes as possible about everything.  Take photos of memorabilia, if they'll allow it.  You'll want to also take a look at the back of any photographs.  Many clues may have been written there by some long-forgotten relative.
• You: "When younger, did you enjoy going to school, Grandma?" Your Grandma: No. ~ [Snort.]  Ask open-ended questions.  Yes/No answers aren't going to get you very far in the "reminiscing department."
• Make sure the place you decide to interview visit with them is comfortable and is conducive to them opening up and sharing.
• If at any point the information they are sharing with you is different from what you know to be true, don't correct them.  Just record and move on.  Analysis and evaluations will be made later.  In private.  Why?  [Because I said so.  That's why. *wink*]  Because you are clue-collecting.  But more importantly, it'd be rude to correct them.  [And I don't need to tell you that they probably aren't going to share very much more with you if you insist on correcting them every time they open their mouths.  Right?]
• Don't press them into talking about something they don't want to talk about.  That'd be rude, and we've already covered what happens when you're rude. 
• At the end of the interview visit, ask if it'd be O.K. with them if you contacted them later if you have any more questions.  Odds are, you probably will have more questions.
• Also, if they don't mind, take a photo of them, and/or with them.  You'll want it for your records later.
• Finally, offer to give them a copy of your research later.  [That is, once you've done it.]

Me: Have any questions about how to interview  visit and/or share with your family member(s) about your family's history?  Ask me in comments below.

You: What about the questions?  What do I ask?

Me: See, you should've been taking notes.  I mentioned it already, but here it is again. [Wink.]   Tomorrow's post will have suggestions about what you should ask.  Any other questions?

Lists, Beggars, & Being Picky

So, how's that pedigree chart coming along?  Got some stuff filled-in?  Have some blanks?  Good.  Now you got something to work with.  And to continue the previous post's building analogy, you have started the blueprint of your family history.  You're not done, but at least you can see what needs to be done.

Speaking of which, what does need to be done?  What blanks are empty?  Now think about who in your family might have the answers.  Don't forget about some of the older members of your family.  They are excellent resources for your family history research.  In some cases, they may have actually been there.  They may even have important documents, photos, letters, etc.  You never know.  You just might find a relative who says, "Yeah.  I inherited all this stuff, and it's taking up a bunch of space.  Space I'd like to have back.  If you come and get all this crap, it's yours.  Otherwise, I'm just gonna throw it away."  Hey, crazier things have happened, folks.  [And if that does occur, then go.  Now.  Don't pass "go" and don't collect $200.]

So, the next step is to make a list and check it twice.  But we're not gonna find out who's naughty or nice.  [At least, not right now.  You'll find these ancestors can be full of surprises.]

This list that you're making is a list of family members who might be able to help you fill-in the blanks on your pedigree chart.  [And if you're lucky, some stories.]  So, think about it.  Meditate on it.  Sleep on it.  Then make your list.

Let me know in the comments below how many you come up with.  And, no, this isn't a competition [which is good because I'd lose].  I'm just curious.

Here.  I'll go first.

In my family, I have a whopping 2 people that I could call or visit with concerning my family history.  Not many.  I know.  But it's something to work with.  And as my mom used to say to me whenever I'd complain about not getting what I wanted, "Beggars can't be choosy, Caroline."  And you know what?  She was right [as usual].